Now What?

“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.” - Buddha

I think I always knew I’d stick to my plan and go to Porto, but everything felt confusing and decisions were hard to make in Santiago de Compostela.

The Camino ebbed and flowed as far as walking alone and walking with others.  As the miles added up, so did the number of friends. It worked naturally and there was a rhythm of togetherness and solitude.

The albergues were our time to come back together, chat, and have dinner and drinks. In the morning most walked away alone. This became especially true as we neared Santiago. We all had lessons to learn, and contemplations to work out.

I think almost everyone I met along the way walked in alone. I did too, but just like my whole time in Santiago it was complicated.

I arrived at an albergue just outside of town around 4:30 pm but soon heard that the botafumeiro was going to swing at the mass that night. I don’t know if it’s true or not, but people tell me it’s rare to get to see it. There seems to be a debate, but I am told it only flies on Sundays or when someone makes a 500€ donation or more.

Anyway, lucky me, I got to see it!

But it meant walking into Santiago that night. I dropped off my backpack at the albergue for the evening. I hadn’t intended to get to Santiago until the next day (day 33) but ended up walking all the way. Since I hadn’t booked a room, I needed to stay at the albergue just outside of town. So my first entrance into Santiago de Compostela was without my backpack on day 32 of my walk. I went to mass and then dinner with some people who had already walked in, or were at the albergue and doing the same thing as me.

The next morning I put on my pack and entered the cathedral plaza alone as a true pilgrim. I looked around and instantly recognized two faces. It was joyful and fun to share. We then did the thing and got our Compostelas (certificates). I dropped off my backpack at my hotel and we met for a real brunch, mimosas and all. From that point on (other than when I went back to my hotel to shower and sleep), I was never alone. It felt like a little too much, but you become so close in a weird way and I also knew that my next destination will provide solitude (maybe too much) so I wanted to soak in all the togetherness I could. I have so enjoyed all these wonderful people and we’ve shared in ways that I think you only share with a stranger. I only know these people in one form, we are different people when thrown back into the worlds we come from. I’ve only seen one snapshot and it’s out of context, which I believe adds to the fact that our friendships were for a special time and place but are not meant to go on.

In Santiago I couldn’t make any decisions, people were inviting me to follow along on their summer holidays, making other suggestions of where I should go next and my plan to go to Porto seemed like something I should toss out the window. I have said all along that I want to go with the flow and trust my intuition. But I wasn’t sure what it was saying!

Another day in Santiago with no decisions and no bookings made, but a lot of being with friends and I was still stuck. I had to buy a ticket, I didn’t have a room booked after that night. It was time to move on. I needed to say goodbye to my wonderful Camino friends and stick with my plan. No more delaying our inevitable separation. If the universe brings us together down the line then I’ll be very happy for that.

And what do you know? The universe works wonders, I got my train ticket at the station for half the price it was online and found the cutest apartment in Porto! After dropping off my backpack I headed out to explore. I had just made it through the old town and was headed to the river when my phone buzzed. A Camino friend had decided Porto seemed like a good idea too. So just when I thought I was alone, I spent 3 days touring Porto with a friend. It was fun but also felt like a too-long goodbye.

We said goodbye again and I hopped a bus to Matosinho, the beach town just down the river from Porto. I am emotional and lonely here. I should call home, but I don’t feel up to that just yet either. I know it will be fine. I know it’s just me coming down from this wonderful experience. I will have to sit in the feelings for a bit. Luckily, I can sit at the beach, and I am sure some sunshine will help.

I miss you all, my real and true friends. I hope you know how much and that I carry you with me everywhere I go.

Thanks for reading along as I did this crazy walk. If you are interested I will continue to post about my travels, though not as frequently as I did with the walk.

XOXO,

Bon