Lisbon, AC & Positive Vibes
“Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness.”– Allen Ginsberg
I climbed up many old stairs in the Alfama district of Lisbon. At the top was a park-like area with a view of the sea and much of Lisbon. It was beautiful. Kids were skateboarding and doing tricks along a corridor leading down another path back to the streets. Along the aisle was a white wall with numbers. I found number 4, the number to my apartment for the week. Once I was on the other side of the wall, I found four apartments, all sharing a courtyard. It was perfect!
Or so I thought. I quickly realized I had neglected to double-check that it had air conditioning. People in Europe seem to consider air conditioning an unnecessary luxury. They are probably right, though I may be too pampered to give this luxury up at this point in life. I sent a quick text to my Camino friends, who have started calling me Rich Bitch after learning that AC is a filter on my Booking.com. They all applauded my going without. (I may have left out the part that it was a mistake.)
My room had a fan, and I admit I was okay once I learned to close the drapes and leave the balcony door open while I was out. Early evening was hot, but the night was comfortable with the fan (well, at least as comfortable as any other night. My night sweats come with AC or not. Does this ever end?)
I'm not saying I will remove my filter, but I may go without for a particularly good spot in the future. It was worth it in Lisbon; my apartment could not have been better situated!
I bought a pretty handheld fan too. People use them everywhere. I don't know why we don't all carry these, especially those of us who suffer from hot flashes. It's a game-changer, and I feel so pretty and dramatic snapping it open and closed.
Lisbon renewed my feelings about Portugal. Nothing wrong with Porto, but I wouldn't recommend starting there. Lisbon has so much more to see and prettier beaches, in my opinion.
(Maybe I won't kill the Expat dream just yet. But I would vote for Basque country in Spain. I did fall in love with Spain, plus Basque Country provides quick access to French wine country. Bordeaux is less than a three-hour drive; bonuses abound!)
Lisbon started with loneliness but ended with a renewed sense of adventure and curiosity. I didn't put myself out there too much in Lisbon, but it was more about reflection and rest. I feel rejuvenated, thanks to conversations with friends.
I tend to self-criticize and usually at the moments when others are giving me praise. For some reason, recognition triggers a response in me that tries to shut it all down. I don't think I'm unique in this trait. I'm guessing others feel this too. My go-to response as people have congratulated me on my Camino is to say, "thanks, but I know it was a weird thing to do."
I don't know; maybe it was a weird thing to do, but why do I feel like I have to make excuses for my actions? I feel like I need to over-explain so many things about this summer, though no one is asking me to. And yet, I feel uncomfortable, thinking others will judge me harshly for these past few months.
I always hear my critics so much better than my supporters. What a weird and awful phenomenon.
I'm working on these thought loops and others that tend to bring me down. As I focus more on the present moment, I feel everything get lighter and more enjoyable, but it can be hard to quiet the voices in my head.
The effort is always worth it, though. I feel energetic, grateful, and ready to take on the next adventure.
Tonight I say adeus Lisboa and hello Dublin. New adventures await, hopefully with a bit cooler weather or, at the very least, more air conditioning!
XOXO,
Bon