Thoughts while in London
“What you are is what you have been. What you’ll be is what you do now.” - Buddah
I've been negligent about writing this past month. But I have a good reason; it's been a busy month seeing family. I feel so fortunate to have had these moments during my year abroad. Nothing puts a bounce in my step more than seeing family and friends.
Sometimes doing something radical shakes you out of preconceived ideas. For instance, I contemplated moving to another state before I left for this year abroad. I am now quite confident that Kansas City is my home, and though I hope to always be on the go, I want to be surrounded by friends and family when I'm home.
I was feeling lonely at home because I was adjusting to living by myself and learning to be an initiator for gatherings. Now stepping back and looking at it with a fresh perspective, I'll be excited to go home and have people I love within an easy distance and the ability to make plans and see each other regularly. Even if regularly means once or twice a year, that's okay!
My mom and my daughter just left me in London this morning. It was so fun to have this multi-generational trip, and I feel full of all the good feelings! The time spent with my mother reminds me of all the love I have in my life and how very fortunate I am to share time with her. She reminds me that I am the captain of my own ship and gives me the confidence to try new things.
The time spent with my daughter has me thinking about our similarities regarding life decisions. She's in her twenties, choosing how she wants to live. I'm in my fifties and reinventing, thinking about many of the same topics.
And it's not just my daughter; I'm continually meeting young women in their twenties on this adventure. I love this age group. They have similar thoughts going on in their heads as me. Transitions and career and who do I want to be? I want to tell them you won't ever figure it out. Not permanently, maybe for a few years at a time. Perhaps even a couple of decades if you're lucky. But who we are and what we want to spend our time on usually shifts as we live. As our circumstances change, our outlook evolves, we gain wisdom, and it all changes our destination.
I am beginning to think the point is to look at it constantly. Consider new possibilities and then have the courage to change if needed. Examining your life is not easy; it is challenging because we often don't want to rock the boat of stability. We can't always march toward security and comfort, but when should we leap into the unknown? It could be a career change, a gamble on yourself, an investment in a good idea, more school, or even taking a break to discover more about yourself and the world. Sometimes it's about having the stamina to finish what we've started or struggling through a difficult time because we believe it will improve or produce a desired outcome. We all have these choices coming at us all the time. We need to be aware that we are constantly making choices about how we live our lives, and we usually have the power to make different choices. The internal fight is eternal.
I chose stability in my 20s, and now I can choose the road less traveled. But then again, who knows where I'd be now if I'd gone down this road in my 20s?
Alas, if ifs and buts were candies and nuts, we'd all have a merry Christmas.
The question isn't what I should have done, but what will I do now? Do I try something crazy? Do I risk failure?
And if yes, how do I start?
XO, Bon