Letting Go of Old Patterns

“letting go can feel like a tremendous struggle

even when you know that it is absolutely necessary 

for you to live a better life 

breaking with the past is literally a break

an end 

a refusal to return

old patterns keep repeating until you intentionally 

move in a new direction” - Yung Pueblo (thanks for the quote E)

We cannot be captive to who we have always been and expect change. If you come to crossroads, and I think most of us do at some point, accept the challenge to think outside the box. 

This is especially difficult because most people won’t think that way with you. The people you know and even don’t know often will keep trying to understand you through the tunnel of your past experiences. Your past work life, family life, etc…

Change becomes hard because I have to redefine who I am alone and then reintroduce myself to the world. As I try to do this I find that I am fortunate to have friends who are careful listeners and great champions for my evolution. But even with this incredible support, it has to come from me. I have to tell people of my shifting view, new goals, dreams, and fears. Change is hard to navigate, but it comes at certain points in your life whether you orchestrate it or not. I think in the past I’ve let change happen to me. I hope I’ve learned that lesson well, that change will be thrust upon me if I don’t take the steering wheel and determine the direction I want to go.

I’m not sure exactly where that is right now, but I know I don’t want anyone else to make those decisions for me. I don’t want to get to the next destination thinking I wish I’d tried something else and fear held me back. 

Conquering fear is the sweet stuff that makes up the bonbon vie.

I’ve been talking about my excursion and planning for it for so long, and now that it’s here I catch my reflection walking by a window in the airport and I don’t recognize that woman. 

I see the messy hair and the sensible hiking clothes, the ridiculously stuffed and overly large backpack. Who is she?

I don’t know why I’m doing this. 

I’m excited to go, but I still feel unsure as to why I’m doing this exactly.

I think I’m usually a very sensible person, maybe a bit impulsive, but sensible. This does not feel sensible.

I’m excited to be doing that crazy thing that I’ve daydreamed about. It was just a daydream, but now I’m letting go and I feel a bit unhinged to be doing it.

And I really like feeling unhinged right now.

XOXO,

Bon